When the Doll blooms
by Chris Emrys
Summary: Send to Martel to have their final moment in peace, neither Kanda nor Alma expected to find themselves both walk out alive. But they do, and now they have to figure out the path they want to take. [Written for DGM Secret Santa 2017!]


Hello~

This story was written during DGM Secret Santa 2017 for safeforwork-sword, who wanted Yulma and hoped for NSFW. I ended up doing a sort of collections of scenes in chronological order, with the last scene the "bonus" scene that is slightly NSFW, though not too explicit (and fade to black).

Pairing is of course Kanda/Alma, a note is at the bottom of the one-shot about Alma (that I'm not putting here to first let the reader read and possibly already guess by themselves).

* * *

 **When the Doll blooms**

They didn't realize, at first, that something was strange. Alma could feel himself get more and more drained, and only the warm presence of Yuu soothed the pain. He would feel fear, yet how could he, being in Yuu's arms for his last moments? It was gift they wouldn't waste, a proper farewell; and Alma only hoped for Yuu to move forward.

It was when Alma started to feel suffocated, while the sensation of Yuu's presence lessened, that he realized something had changed. A gasp passed his lips, he curled closer to Yuu, and the same time he felt as if sand was itching his skin. He heard Yuu's voice call his name with slight concern, both close and far.

And in the next moment, what remained of Alma's body crumbled to dust in Kanda's arms. The swordsman took a sharp intake of breath, and then snapped his head when he heard rustling. He got into a crouching position, frowning, and then to his surprise, what appeared to be a blank doll rose from under the sand.

Kanda tensed, but then the doll looked toward him, and his eyes widened as he watched traits start to form. The eyebrow, the little scar across the nose, the eyes… "Alma..?" He breathed out in disbelief.

The doll's eyes blinked, and blinked again, the mouth opened in surprise, then close, then opened again. "Yuu?" The voice that the doll had was indeed Alma's, but also, lighter. As if it couldn't decided the pitch of Alma's voice.

The doll wobbled, and Kanda found himself standing, walking toward it. He soon realized the rest of the doll was taking the traits of Alma, or at least it tried to. It wasn't settling, and Kanda had to catch Alma when the doll's body didn't seem to be able to remain standing anymore.

When Kanda glanced into Alma's eyes, he felt frozen. Alma's face, but not quite, and this look… He blinked, and with the traits still not quite adjusting, whatever he saw vanished. It bothered his mind, but right now, what mattered was Alma.

Because he realized there seemed to be no Dark Matter, and no Innocence. Yet, the doll was warming up, but Alma struggled to stay conscious. Lost eyes gazed up at Kanda, and the swordsman brought Alma's body closer, comfortingly.

Doll or not, that warmth was the one of life. Kanda found himself blinking back tears, and he registered the feel of wetness from the face pressed into his neck. He had no idea if it was happiness or not, if this was a second chance or a punishment; and he felt that Alma was just as confused.

Yet, could he deny the warmth that took hold of his chest, when he realized that somehow, Alma's soul had been saved?

* * *

Kanda felt his eyes twitch at cooing of, "What a beautiful face you have!" from the old woman, but in the next moment she was petting the top of Alma's head in a gentle, worried gesture; and all that mattered was the quiet claim that she needed to give them clothes at least.

He had been carrying his best friend close to his chest, a desperate need in his mind to bring Alma to safety. Even if Mater was secluded, away from civilization, Alma needed to be warm and fed. At least, Kanda had found cloaks, but they had been ripped and all he had been able to do was use them to wrap around Alma's waist and both their chest, to try keeping some warmth in as he moved.

So he wasn't about to refuse the offer, not when he felt Alma shiver a bit, not when Alma curled closer even though the touch had been gentle. No one else felt safe for Alma but Yuu; and Kanda would be damned if he didn't _do_ anything to make a smile show again in the face he had thought he would never seen again. Twice.

* * *

Alma stood in front of the mirror, a small frown over the features reflected. At times, Alma would see someone else in the reflection, someone he had been. Or someone she was still? Whatever the doll had been, it had captured Alma's memories. Except Alma had two different set of memories, and had access to both when the doll reacted.

The memories of Alma Karma were the strongest, and so, the doll features had mostly taken after how Alma remembered being. But then, there were memories of the life before, not very clear, but enough to confuse the doll. And to confuse Alma. Alma had been made a boy, told he was a boy. But always, there had been doubts, dreams, that when Alma woke, left a strange sensation.

Alma always had known, that something wasn't right. Running in the dream field, feeling long hairs and a dress, Alma felt happy. But Alma didn't want to be her again. Alma was free, of Innocence, of Dark Matter, but then, who was he now?

"What are you doing?" Yuu's voice sounded, and Alma turned to him, smiling.

"Nothing~" He called in a cheery voice, like a fun mystery only for Alma to know.

Kanda was frowning though, and as he stepped closer, Alma's smile dropped, confused. Then blue eyes widened slightly when the swordsman reached a hand out, thumb brushing over Alma's brows. Alma felt her cheeks flush, that gesture felt so familiar… And that was when Alma realized that for a second, the sensation of being that woman came. But it didn't feel as bad as Alma first feared, or was it because this was Yuu?

"Your brows are different." Kanda commented softly, gaze drifting across Alma's face. This was still Alma, but there had been little changes here and there, changes that poked at his mind. Why did this new Alma felt more familiar that the one he had known until now? Why did his gaze lingered on that blush?

Alma blinked again, blush forced into control, and he tilted his head. "But I'm still me." Alma couldn't help saying; and whatever gave a heartbeat, it skipped when Yuu's lips lifted into a small smile.

And then Yuu flicked at Alma's forehead, stepping back. "Of course, you idiot. Now come on, the food is all ready."

Alam rubbed at his forehead with a little pout, but then he grinned. "Well, what are we waiting for?"

Kanda grunted as Alma grabbed his hand and pulled them our of the room, but he didn't snatch his hand back. Deep down, he felt… confused. Between the grin just now and the way Alma dragged him, Kanda felt a strong sense of déjà vu. Since their fight, it was as if a thought nagged at the back of his mind, but refused to fully form. But the more time he spent with Alma, the more he felt like he could grasp it.

He just didn't know if he felt more nervous or more eager to discover what this thought was.

* * *

Travelling together was quite an adventure, and yet felt so natural. Alma didn't want to have the Order know he was alive, however like Kanda, there was a wonder of what happened to Allen Walker. Even more so as Alma felt the Noah that Allen was. The worst was the sense of guilt Kanda would display at times. It made Alma hate so much that Yuu had been used like this, it made Alma wish to keep Yuu away from both sides. But they shared one wish, and it was to figure out what Allen's fate had been.

They owed him big time, as even if he hadn't known, sending them to Mater was what ultimately saved Alma. And they intended to repay him, even if it came to ending his life, if it was too late.

* * *

Kanda knew that lingering thought would eventually become clear, but he ever expected the strength of the realization.

The doll's body had settled on Alma's main traits all over, but the little details, never stopped changing. Kanda had worried, but Alma had eventually confessed the confusion between the two set of memories, and what to choose. On the spot, Kanda voiced out that Alma didn't have to choose, if it felt so hard; and it had been like a revelation to Alma.

Kanda hadn't known at first, what exactly Alma thought he should choose, until he noticed the way Alma would frown a little bit at times, or twitch, or even glance to the side. Analyzing it as feeling bothered, Kanda paid attention to what brought this reactions, and made two discoveries. The first, that it was always whenever someone refered to Alma with masculine words. The second, that it was not all the times Alma was adressed as such.

The pieces of the puzzles started to fit together at a fast pace then, one day, as they sat in the train. Kanda was watching subtly Alma look at his reflection, a familiar frown there, seeming to brush dark hairs back into place with a hand from running to catch the train. But Kanda noticed, how Alma arranged the now almost shoulder length hairs, how Alma arranged them differently, how the little trick changed a bit the way Alma's face seemed to look.

It hit Kanda then, how Alma seemed to shift from times to times, which until now Kanda hadn't really thought much about it, knowing there had been small traits the doll's body wouldn't quite settle on. He just didn't realize, until now, that his shift had one major detail that was more how Alma felt.

"Do you feel like a woman at times?" Kanda asked, resting an elbow on the table and his cheek on his palm, watching Alma into the reflection.

The wide eyes of Alma, the sharp intake of breath, replied to Kanda without the need of words. The slight fear and anixety mixed confusion and vulnerability stirred something in Kanda's mind, the same way his ever-lurking thought would. And then he straigntened all of the sudden, his own eyes wide.

A woman. Or **the** woman? "Alma..." Kanda breathed out, his stomach clenching, his heart fluterring.

Alma ducked the head down, little trembles going through the frame. Kanda hesitated, then reached out, gently grasping Alma's shoulder in a silent request for the other to turn. What happened instead, was for Alma to hug Kanda's chest in a flash, face hiding into his neck. He had a thought of being grateful the compartiment was empty, a choice of theirs; and then he felt the tears against his skin.

His heart constriced. His heart had been doing lots of things around Alma lately, a shift in how he viewed Alma. Best friends years ago, and still that, but now…

His arms wrapped around Alma, feeling awkward, yet it felt so right.

"I-I'm her. But not-" Alma whispered, after a bit, though it felt hard getting it out. But why delay, when Alma had seen true realization in Yuu's gaze? "I feel like a woman at times, but I don't want to be her. I want to be me."

Kanda felt his lips curl up. There was a sense of happiness, that came from deep within, and a sense of relief. "You idiot." He muttered in a breath. "Do you see me wanting to be him? They're the past; and it can rest at peace now that I've found where she was." A hand slided to rest against Alma's cheek, Alma's eyes widening a bit. "Now we can truly live." A troubled look crossed his face. "Thanks to Moyashi..."

Alma felt sadness, thinking of the white haired male and the fate that waited for him. An awakened Noah that would slowly erode him, like dark matter had been eroding Alma-Blue eyes widened. Both hands clasped over Yuu's face, Alma bringing her face closer. She felt excited, protective. "Yuu. The dolls. They saved me. They should more lying around, right?"

Kanda's hands, that had been resting low at the sides, clenched a little bit, the same realization crossing his expression. "That's not a certitude, though."

Alma shook her head, giving a blinding smile. "But it's better than nothing. We have to try! Fading away is a too cruel fate..." She knew something of it, after all.

With how bright and determined Alma looked, Kanda couldn't help but feel it didn't hurt to try. So he just nodded, and the way Alma hugged around his neck was happier. But then again, Kanda could understand that. His mind finally at peace, knowing that woman lived on within Alma, and part of him knew that helping Allen was a goal that made them want to remain in his world for a bit longer.

What Kanda didn't expect was for Alma to press their lips together after pulling out of the hug. Alma leaned back after a few seconds, and he felt himself return fully to the present moment. Now, that urge to kiss had been strong from emotions not all from this life, but the desire, had been there with the Alma of now for a while. But how would Yuu take it? There was one thing he wanted to make clear though.

"… That was me." Alma simply said, knowing Yuu would understand.

He did, and almost surprising Alma, Kanda leaned closer again and pressed their lips together again. The irony was that Kanda had questioned the same thing. He had worried Alma would misunderstand who he was kissing.

But now they were both reassured. It was Kanda Yuu and Alma Karma that kissed, no one else.

* * *

 _BONUS SCENE (Warning: slight NSFW)_

Fingers trailed up skin, dragging the top with it, and the kiss had to be broken to remove it. Alma grinned slyly as Yuu's frame shuddered when he placed his lips to the lotus tattoo. Weeks on the road, and finally Alma could test out if the special tattoo was a sensitive place. And it seemed it was, if Yuu's low growl was any indication.

A little yelp left Alma as Yuu pressed him flat on his back all of the sudden, laughing a bit before a moan slipped throught his lips. Yuu's mouth was at the neck, doing things with tongue and teeth, certain to leave a mark there. Hands went under Alma's own top, and he made a little noise of protest as he heard the ripping sound, not without shuddering at the direct contact of their chest.

That had been a nice shirt though. And Yuu was smirking against the neck. So Alma pushed up with hips, grinning at the strangled grunt earned, even as the hands that had been resting on the shoulders were used to push Yuu.

Alma looked way too pleased as he straddled Kanda's waist, so it was Kanda's turn to move his hips up, both their gazes heated at the way the contact sent warmth through their bodies. Then Alma rest against Kanda chest to chest, cheek against cheek. The swordsman's hands drifted to hold loosely around the waist.

"I want Yuu." Alma whispered, snickering a little bit at the pun, but heart fluttering.

"Are you sure?" Kanda asked, tracing a hand back up Alma's spine.

Alma shuddered, nodding. Then took a sharp intake of breath as the hand at his back trailed back down his spine, while the other hand slipped fingers under the rim of his pants, slowy going to the side, then slipping in front.

"Yuu..." Alma breathed out, feeling fingers splaying and slipping a bit more inside his pants. Then, Alma got one hand between their bodies, slowly unbuttoning Yuu's own pants, leaning up a bit to look into his partner's eyes.

Kanda leaned up, capturing Alma's mouth, the slide of their body making Kanda's hand slip down and Alma pressed closer to that hand. Kanda's mouth was at Alma's neck then, both their hands working to get their pants open and down.

It was maddening in such a good way, feeling the sense of familiarity just enough to ease nerves, and the novelty for them, Kanda and Alma. They wanted more of it, and tonight, they were giving in to that want.

They were lovers reunited, and they were best friends turned lovers.

 **The end**

* * *

 _Notes: Yes, this has been written to actually leave open whether the doll shaped into male, female, or intersex. Meanwhile, Alma is a confused mess about their gender, going from male to female, that has nothing to do with having been a woman before (which they clearly state more than once)._


End file.
